Suicidal notes nr.4

ForcaThe only way to make me believe in you is by making me happy
it’s impossible to be positive if unhappy
there’s even a formula for this:
Happiness = 1/Misery
I seem to be but a cog in an endlessly intricate system that runs with no reason nor goal.
It’s hard to live when there is no purpose.
People tend to overrate love. Love is’t even in the top 3 of the most important things in life.
If you take a look at how the universe evolves, it will be easy to see that evolution itself is the engine for everything that happens. It’s not important to become better, it’s not even relevant if the deeds are good or evil. The only thing that “Nature”, or “God”, or “Evolution”, or whatever you wish to call it, cares about is change. It is certain that everything will change, even the laws and rules that seem to be universal and permanent.
Nature needs Survival first and foremost. Then it needs growth, and this means that it has to grow to where it is possible, but also that it needs destruction in order to create space for growth.
In resume it is as if I where a moth trying to understand poetry, or advanced chemistry. However complex theories I might try to find, I will still lack the intelligence or enlightenment enough to grasp the mysteries surrounding me.
The only hope I have is that I might leave space for something better, or I might even be heading for a better adventure.
People tend to think about suicide as a dark and sad happening, but life can be all that and much worse.
One last word to the love of my life: That’s exactly what you where – The love of my life! Or even better, although it may sound “cliche”, you where the light of my life, because when i look back at it, everything seems dark, except for the moments you’re in.
Thank you, wish me luck….


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